That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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