i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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