i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
