Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
