Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
