i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
