aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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