Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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