dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
