Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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