Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
