The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
