Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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