Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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