the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
