My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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