16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
