Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
