I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
