you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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