3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
