Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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