if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
