I think im going to throw up on grandma
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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