My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
