My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
