i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i think i just lost a toe
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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