Just fell off a train. Bad.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i love accidental penises.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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