Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
