I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
