i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
