Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
