yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
