The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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