you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
