Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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