I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
