I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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