Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
