I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
