Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
