Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
