people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
