ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
