She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
