I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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