I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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