Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
