R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
