I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
