I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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