on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
