I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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