I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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